Trash Talkin'

I'm awakened in the middle of the night by my trash talking cat. If you have one, you already know. "Why if this door wasn't closed, I'd rip you limb from limb; go on you big chicken, open the door and you'll see" . . . and on and on for hours.

Cat paces, growls, hisses, spits. Flip -- the lights illuminate a couple of possums minding their own business. Cat postures.

Cool. I open the door to get a better look at my nocturnal visitors.

Cat again -- this time across the room. "Hey, what the hell! Have you lost your mind? Close the door before those things come in here. . . ummm meow."

Door closed. Cat. "Yeah, I thought so. Good thing that door closed before I could get out! Hey, get back here. Yeah, that's what I thought. . ."

Another Brick in the Wall

I am tapped to administer a standardized test to another teacher’s class.

Everyone is seating-charted and test-issued. I begin. “Open your test booklet to page two and fold the booklet so that only that page is showing." Fourteen dutiful flips and folds.
CP is “sleeping,” head on booklet.

I wait.

Eye opens. “We’ve started already?” We wait while CP asks what page, opens the book, adjusts her body and announces she is ready.

“Look at sample one and read silently while I read alou. . .”
“C” CP again. . .
I start reading again and CP rolls her eyes.

More directions, blah, blah, until you reach “STOP” at the bottom of …
“Mr. W., TL passed his manners.”
I’m about to ask when I catch a whiff of TL’s manners. “Thank you TL.”

“Mr. W., my pencil broke.” CP again.
“Do we have to take this test?” DC
"Sarah please sit down."
“I need some tissue.” SP

I’m beginning to understand why the teacher of record is not testing her own class.

“Mr. W., my pencil broke too.” DC this time.
“Mr. W, my pencil. . . (DH next followed by others).

“You will have 40 minutes to complete this subtest. You may begin.”
CP’s closes her booklet. I look. She has completed one page. I show her the STOP several pages hence and she gives me the “Oh, now I get it” look then rolls her eyes.

Five minutes later, JL stretches and slides under her desk and announces it. Everyone looks and I stop the discussion that’s about to start.
CP indignantly, smacks her lips.
“I hate test day!” DM.
“How much longer do we have?” JL reseated.

“Mr. W., CP is looking at me.” This from DH who has her back to CP.

CP starts kicking her desk leg; DM starts a desk dance. “Shish.” TL.

AK’s booklet falls off the desk, followed by several more booklets and pencils.
DM falls out of her desk (a particularly vigorous dance move?).
TL peeks at the world through a slit in his hoodie.

Mr. W., my pencil broke again.” CP
“I wouldn’t give her another one.” JL
CP smacks her forehead with the palm of her hand.

CP snaps her fingers to the beat. . .
Lead breaks. . .
DM, DH and TL desk dance. “What?”

CP raises her hand. I walk to her and she waves me off.
Twice.
Impressive.
“I can’t believe it.” TL

DH is drawing hearts on the back of her hand with a pen.

JL puts her jacket on backward, gets stuck.
DC thinks this is a good idea, tries it too.
“Shut your mouth!” This from TL even though no one has said anything out loud.

“I have to pee!” JL
Hands all around. . . now everyone has to pee.

Through all this KJ, CC, CD, SP, ZJ, PP, MJ and AK remain focused and largely ignore their passive-aggressive peers.

And so it goes. . .

Moses and His Whale of Many Colors. . .

So there we are in Sunday School and a new person is introduced. . . a college student majoring in psychology because she wants to help folk.

So there we are in Sunday School and the readings for the week include the book of Jonah. You remember the story: God tells Jonah do this, Jonah says no, flees, big storm, Jonah is tossed, a fish (big) scoops him up and spits him out in Nineveh. God says tell them but Jonah fears they will listen and avoid destruction and as feared, they listen, repent and get saved. Moral, God's gonna make you so you might as well anyway. Right? Or perhaps, God forgives, even foreigners, so get over it. Or perhaps. . .

So there we are in Sunday School, Jonah read, and the new student, psychology major (in college) asks, "I've always wondered what the significance of having the animals enter the ark two-by two is." . . . (hint, sex) . . . and we all just stare.

Noah?

So there we are in Sunday School and we're contemplating the deeper significance of Jonah miffed because God is generous to Nineveh while failing to see the irony of himself saved by the same generosity. . . and the new kid suggests that Jonah is upset because he knows Jesus is going to destroy the world and there is nothing he can do about it?

Jesus?

So there we are in Sunday School and I'm miffed by a young college pup who cannot get her stories or timeline right.

So there we are in Sunday School and I'm miffed at being miffed.

Ironic huh?